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Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Over the rainbow a witch is alive. Let Thatcher RIP

The Munchkins' recording of Ding Dong the Witch is Dead has sold 29 000 copies since the former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher died on the 8th of April 2013. Are those cute little singers getting their share of the royalties I wonder? If so I bet they'll also get their lollypops taxed off their sticks.  As a child I was taught to "never speak ill of the dead." Anti Thatcher lobbyists should show a little bit of tact and consider her families grief. Perhaps they should be singing the other Wizard of Oz classic- 'If I only had a brain?'

Put your political differences aside Anti Thatcher people and allow her family a bit of time to mourn before attacking her reputation. If our great leader Julia Gillard got a massive cold-sore I wouldn't be rejoicing. Julia is multitudes times worse than Thatcher as a leader so take some nice-pills you Imperialists. In your lesser colony- Australia, us lowly convicts are going to get slugged with more taxes and levys white-washed with "Ohhh, there's another levy on your health-care for the National Disability Scheme." Phooee. We don't need to pay more levys, we need a government that uses the money it generously has attained to provide infrastructure and services to its people who already pay through the nose. The government can make up a huge array of taxes and say, 'well, it is for child health care, or old people and sick animals the starving artists etc' but ultimately it is taxpayers paying for the Labour governments'  financial incompetence.

Follow the yellow brick road if you want to find the Emerald city. It's a road slugged by taxes and levys, full of crater sized potholes devoid of maintenance and if you think you're going to find some great and powerful wizard mind to solve your problems, think again. The witch is well and truly alive. She's not some political figure but rather a system that's failing dismally.  (I would never call Julia a witch.) Somewhere over a black coloured rainbow blue birds are getting jacked off because their nests are getting charged stamp-duty. Another tax that was supposed to be abolished by witch government. Which old witch? The Liberal witch. 

Thursday, 25 April 2013

Hit List. What we love to hate

Things that have annoyed me this week:

*I hate it when someone butters their toast and then sticks the knife back into the butter or margarine. By the time I want to use a dab on my sandwich there's more smudgee crumbs in the tub of yellow goo than actual butter.

#Band-aids are racist. I was thinking about it the other day when I had to use one on my finger to cover a splinter. What if I had dark coloured skin? I have never seen hues of plaster strips to match people of colour. The beige pigment of regular band-aids are way out of place for anyone with even a shade darker than pinky-brown. Get with it Johnson & Johnson- we are not all coloured like Malibu Barbie.

*I really need new feet. Mine are really stuffed. They are huge and impossible to slip into anything resembling a feminine shoe. I rarely find a size for my flippers in the regular shoe stores. My sister recently holidayed in Thailand where they provide flesh-eating fish to exfoliate dead skin from your heels to your toes. You simply step into a pool of water infested with piranha type fishies and they clean up your feet for a small fee. I need that service tripled.

#What about tail-gaters? A year ago I had the pleasure of a maniac driver rear-ending my car. The crash has made me paranoid and I can't stand anyone within 10 car lengths of my backside whilst I'm driving. Probably this peeve is in my top ten. Not only is it dangerous to tailgate it's unnecessary.

*I hate trying to manage people. I'm useless at it. Ultimately I always end up doing the work because I can't be bothered asking the same people to perform the same jobs. There's got to be a way to get compliance but I haven't got a clue.

#I hate my bathroom. It hasn't been renovated since the early seventies. How do I know this? The tiles are mission brown, and falling off as I write. The mould is impossible to remove. The taps are plastic. The heater doesn't work. The shower screen is cracked and frosted and the shower door no longer exists. Hmmm. Might do a slideshow as I renovate. 

Monday, 22 April 2013

Hit List. What we love to hate.

I can not understand the point of testing nuclear weapons. Please- someone explain it to me. How can governments not realise when you detonate one of those suckers they make a really big explosion?
Mr. Kim Jong-un (and anyone else who may be confused. This includes nearly every government that is nuclear capable) here is one they prepared earlier:

If you are wondering what happens if you detonate one of those babies underwater I can help again:

Notice how it makes big war-ships appear really little. Tested at Bikini Atoll. You can find more information here:

And in case you're wondering- this is what happens afterwards:

This information can save you a lot of time and money. 

Friday, 19 April 2013

Why do we pay taxes????????

I was recently driving down the South Eastern Freeway which is a taxpayer funded road and I am forced to pay a toll to use it. Basically I have to pay for it twice- tax and toll- maybe even three times if you count the tax extracted through the petrol bowser. While I was in the midst of a traffic snarl the size of Los Angeles I began to wonder why every time I drive on that particular road I am involved in vehicle flavoured jams. Whilst I morphed into boredom mode I asked myself why I actually pay taxes and what is my money being spent on? I concluded my money hasn't been invested in bitumen.

Rumour has it that the Australian taxpayer is the highest taxed person in the world? I couldn't find solid evidence to prove that statement and the data I found was inconclusive. Perhaps it's a government conspiracy or, it could be impossible to accurately decipher the endless taxation systems and laws controlling the different nations of our over-taxed world. We can present comparisons however- Germany versus Australia. Germany has survived the GFC relatively unscathed. Australia has faired okay compared to countries such as Greece etc. I must admit my bias. I am of German heritage and I will use my hard working German mum as an example. She still receives a German taxpayer funded pension similar to superannuation even though she has been an Australian citizen for 45 years. This suggests to me the Deutcshe superannuation scheme is terrific and working well.  Clever investing and policy adhered to over the course of time has caused a successful outcome for German retirees. When I retire in twenty odd years I will receive zippo. Zero. Zilch from my government.

In Australia- hospitals and educational institutions, the defence force and police force are all taxpayer-funded services. A logical kind of normal person is obliging and willing to contribute to their operation. I wonder though, what we are actually getting for our hard earned dollars. I pay local council rates but receive no rubbish pickup, no water connection or sewerage service. You can safely assume I live in a rural area and therefore it's my bad postcode choices that caused my infrastructure to be non-existent. It still makes me wonder on a larger scale though about public servants and politicians. What exact percentage of the federal and state budget goes into their bank accounts on our behalf. Just how much do we pay them? states Julia Gillard earns AUD $495,430.00 per annum. The same web-site claims Bill Clinton is collecting over AUD $12,000,000. If Julia hits the public speaking circuit after she gets the boot this election she could be earning 24 times more finances talking about what she failed at whilst being a tax payer funded employee. Top federal public servants earn around five times the average wage. Why? If I failed providing a service I was paid to perform at work I would get sacked. Instead of sacking incompetent pollies we have an election. Of course we paid AUD $51,347,774 for the 2010 federal election.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics there were 1, 843,500 persons, or approximately 16% of the entire Australian workforce working as public servants in 2010. The ABS quotes their three main functions:
"- Policy advice
- The oversight of policy implementation and
 - The provision of the administrative machinery required to deliver the policies of the relevant government or agency."
So that makes it all clear as mud. What does a politician actually do? I want a simple graph explaining exactly how much money is spent on whom and I want to sight their work diaries. This is what I found when I googled this very question answered by a very happy tax payer funded worker: "35 hour work week. 
9 day fortnight. 
20 days annual leave
. 1.5 bonus days off
. 3 days off in a row for sick leave with NO medical certificate. Heaps of days off for 'training'

could life be any better....?"

Do politicians have any idea what it feels like to be tight with personal cash flow? Have they ever experienced being unable to pay the phone bill? To not know where the money for groceries is coming from or school fees or sports fees for the kids. Don't mention the vet bill for the dog. Have they got any idea how tough it is just to get by for most people?

And that brings me back to roads. The South Gippsland Highway (my highway) is the most prolific for potholes in the state of Victoria.  The bitumen is in constant need of repair. My road is littered with crater-sized potholes that love to blow out your tyres or crush your suspension and shame your wheel balance. How stupid am I? Why do I pay for road repairs and maintenance that I fail to receive? I know I am having a whine. If you compare my circumstances to that of a third world person I live in luxury. But third world citizens probably don't pay tax at the rate I do.

I really should just take Centerlink payments in whatever form it would come but I know some poor taxpayer is funding it. Centrelink by the way is the largest employer of public servants. ;-)