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Saturday, 15 June 2013

You've been hacked



Hacker:
noun
1. a person or thing that hacks.
2. Slang. a person who engages in an activity without talent or skill: weekend hackers on the golf course.
3. Computer Slang.
a. a computer enthusiast.
b. a microcomputer user who attempts to gain unauthorized access to proprietary computer systems.

Whistleblower Edward Snowden has a lot to answer for. The only problem being he is nowhere to be found. (Last seen in Hong Kong where all honest whistleblowers hide) He has a cheek accusing the US of hacking government and business networks globally. The CIA might secretly think itself smart and sneaky breaching China's cybersecurity however China has been hacking the world since 2003- years ahead of the Central Intelligence Agency's bald headed eagle buttoned spy club.

I find it absurd the US could be implicated in this scandal. Anything and everything the US does illegally is in the interests of national security. Hypocrisy and the USA- never. As long as you don't count Bill Clinton winning 'Father of the year' when he should have been awarded the 'adulterer of the decade.' Disregard the US military supplying weapons to Al Qaeda to fight Bashar al Assad in Syria. It's justified on account of Syria using chemical weapons against it's own people. I think Obama found that info on a Facebook status exactly like the one that caused the unfounded invasion of Iraq years ago by George Bush.

Accusations of hacking have reached the sacred site of social chitchat mega web site Facebook. It has been revealed high-ranking CIA officials have formed an addiction to Candy Crush saga that has caused hacking on a scale never before seen since the Internets inception. Sweet. General Keith Alexander, head of the NSA, appeared before a US Senate panel testifying the NSA's innocence of cheating in the popular Facebook game:

General Keith Alexander, NSA director and head of US Cyber Command, briefed some senators behind closed doors on Tuesday. He was joined at the budget hearing before the Senate Appropriations Committee by other cyber security officials." Our nation has invested a lot in these people. They do this lawfully," General Alexander said." They take compliance oversight, protecting civil liberties, privacy and security of this nation to their heart every day." Yesterday, the American Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit against top US government officials to challenge the legality of the surveillance program.
I personally blame the Internet. What goes online stays online forever. Doesn't the NSA know that by now? Why should people be held accountable for their actions and their public statements? Who would have thought Al Qaeda would be useful as an ally to the US?  Maybe peace is just around the corner with Russia backing the current Syrian president.

The ramping up of US military operations against Syria is accompanied by diplomatic efforts to bring about a post-Assad government on terms favorable to US imperialism. Secretary of State John Kerry has sought an agreement with Russia, which would pave the way for a power-sharing arrangement.
Isn't it nice how they are going to share power? : -)

So what does all of this mean? Well someone in the CIA might be reading this very blog. Maybe he/she might decide I'm a national security threat and some kind of droney looking remote warplane could fly over my house and blow up my contents. Some may think this is a good idea. Others would say it's a breach of civil liberties. My neighbours would post a great status update on Facebook. Awesome snapshots would appear on Instagram. A video of the explosion would be uploaded on Youtube and relayed on News networks around the world. China would attempt to make a productive business deal utilising any manufacturing contract from the fallout. The US already knew about the whole deal because it hacked the computer the Chinese idea was stored on. The CIA would deny any involvement and I would simply Tweet #Ouch.

Saturday, 8 June 2013

The problem with seagulls in sport

Actual image of a seagull. 2013.


The recent dilemma faced by MCG officials got me thinking about effective seagull deterring 
techniques. 

Trained wedge tailed eagles are failing to prevent seagulls from landing on football grounds around Australia. (Actually the MCG) The sea-birds annoy the paying public whilst flying to their next port of call- horse racing tracks where they have been known to fly into jockeys dislodging the riders from their mounts. McDonalds patrons have a lot to answer for by throwing their cold French fries into car parks causing the coastal birds to venture from their natural habitats. I have formulated a few eradication ideas for consideration:

*Why not try an old fashioned shotgun? (No offence to our friendly wedge tailed raptor friends. Shooters need to pass a compulsory bird identification test before firing at any feathered body.)  You would only need to shoot a few hundred gulls and the rest would steer clear. Unless of course they start eating their pellet ridden siblings.


*Perhaps invite Clive Palmer to a seagull roast dinner. He looks as though he enjoys a few seagulls every now and then.


Clive before

Clive after



*Ask Eddie Maguire to dress up in a gorilla outfit and wave his arms around. Maybe public humiliation would kick start his brain freezes.

Eddie before


Eddie after




*Or, paint a fluorescent sign with an arrow stating "this way to the beach."

*We could offer a Tender contract to an American under 18 male who has social problems. They are bound to bring their military assault rifles. This method may be more effective than the previous shotgun theory.

Aaaargh, get these @#$$ off me



*Maybe electrify the newly erected wires that have been tethered across the northern and southern stands of the MCG skyline. The falling feathers and ashes at half time will entertain the crowd. Plain wires are never going to scare those rats of the sky. If gulls don't care about a wedge tailed eagle soaring above their heads they're not going to be bothered by a strained wire.
(I hope on Grand Final day officials remember to cut down the wires so the parachutists don't get tangled.)

There is no need to worry about the MCG wire trial. The strands versus birds has been approved by independent consultants according to: http://www.mcg.org.au/News/News/2013/June/Seagulls.aspx

(Who the heck is an independent seagull consultant? Is that really a career?
"Hi there,
My name is Barbara Maskell, Independent seagull consultant.")

Cute looking footballer on wrong team
Officials are concerned the avian pests are diminishing the aesthetic appeal for spectators. Im sorry, you can't diminish this guys appeal.
And I don't barrack for Collingwood








*I believe the most effective seagull good riddance technique is to employ 'bird boys' somewhat like the tennis counterparts and have them shoo the pests away. With tennis racquets.