Does my bum look big in this?

One of my biggest peeves is being asked for my opinion and what I really hate doing is giving it. (Especially when it’s a friend or family member who wants it.) You really start to step into dangerous territory when they ask for advice or a personal insight. Sometimes friends and family genuinely want an honest comment about something they hold dear or have created. Sometimes they need another idea about what they are wearing. The last thing you want to do is criticise or offend their precious egos when they are seeking constructive feedback. But that’s what they want- criticism. (That’s what they claim they really want.) And that’s the problem. I know deep in the bowels of my finely tuned emotional radar they actually want positive comments and praise. If you choose to be totally honest and give a harsh review you would lose a friend or worse, hurt their enthusiasm. What to do???

I also know that they know when I’m flogging off dishonest praise.

List of when not to give your opinion to family or friends:

* The ever eternal “Does my bum look big in this?” A classic favourite that has withstood the test of time. From cavewoman in loincloths to lycra hugging nightclubbers this question is every mans dread.

* “What do you think of our new home décor?” - You know they’ve spent a bundle and wont be changing the style for 10 years.

* Their choice of school for their child. This one opens a whole socio-economic debate. Public versus private – rich versus poor – snobbery versus working class.

* “What do you think of …?” - Their prospective boyfriend/ girlfriend or husband/wife. Gee if they need an opinion they should really reconsider the choice anyway. This one is really doomed to fail. If they split you should have warned them, if they’re happy and you bagged their choice they will both hate you forever.

* “Like my … Grandmas recipe?” Hmmm. No. when it comes to culinary fare I can't pretend.

* “Hair? Does it suit?” Always like someone's new hair-do. If it’s a bad one it will grow out in 6 weeks.

If you really find yourself hard pressed to give an answer you know will offend your besty or bro/sis’ you can feign sickness or mental stability, smile, agree and hope for the best. 

Don't you hate it when the world is supposed to end and you are unsure of the time zones?

A bit of self help. I know it's daggy but I'm in the mood.

Don’t you hate it when you let people dictate the terms of your worth? When you allow others judging rights on your life. You’re either too fat, too ugly,  a bad mother doing a bad job of raising your kids. You really should be more caring, you tend to be lazy, worthless, a sponge on a free meal ticket. You need to update your wardrobe, change your hair-style and learn to be a better cook. The really sad point of all this is that you start to doubt yourself.

You can start to rate your performance in life by looking at those around you, or, those in the media. You feel you fall short. Standing next to Miranda Kerr is going to make a lot of people feel slightly repulsive. Try and take a look at yourself without using comparisons to anyone. You will probably find something beautiful amongst the ruins. Someone who is a hard worker but can relax when need be. A loving and devoted parent who can cook a tasty spag bowl and drive a car-load of children to basketball. What’s most impressive, it’s all done with little fuss.

Let’s take a moment to realise what’s going on. Whose standards are we getting judged by? Consider who it is that's judging? Those self appointed judges are usually self appointed prats. People who feel they need to inform others of their failings usually get a power kick by clinging on to a piece of fake superiority.

Migraines

Something I can really do without is a migraine headache. The thumper at the side of my head is the one I hate the most. Once the stabbing pain has set in any type of lights, noise and barking dogs can send me into waves of pain and nausea. The only relief is lying in bed with a heat pack on my head and a Panadol in my gut.

I blame hormones and lack of sleep. I also blame my spine being out of whack. My family tend to help set one off as well as friends who need help with their dramas. The kids fighting are a good accelerator and their respective teachers ringing me about bad behaviour helps one generate. Working on our household finances almost guarantees a cranium splitter. Paying bills and groceries is a headache and driving the car for too long is a great way to suffer. Lack of sleep is a factor so I guess having a lie down is recompense. And if having a nap is not the answer I think I could try a few alternative methods. In Africa they prefer a head slapping kind of party:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPMn6kiLGEY

Or,

I have read if you cut off a body limb you will forget the pain.

Household Hit List

My List Of Household Hates:

* Nobody changes the empty dunny roll other than me. If I was away for a week what would my peeps use?

* Which follows on to my next peeve. Cleaning behind the dunny. It always has this dusty mucky residue. It’s really hard to reach because basically the toilet is in the way. Even the most cleanest of houses I’ve visited (my Mums) has that grime back there.

* I have a problem with unpacking the dish washer. I don’t know why exactly, I’m just over the whole experience.

* I really hate it when someone leaves traces of jam, peanut butter or vegemite in the butter. It’s even worse when they leave toast crumbs in there.

* I can’t stand hanging washing out on a windy day.

* I don’t mind cleaning the fridge but I don’t like cleaning freezers.

* Number 1 for today has to be the TV remote. Where is it and why do I have no control of it?

more to follow…

Ladders

Don’t you hate ladders. Ultimately you have to climb them, either up or down they’re there to be climbed. And there is another really annoying thing about ladders- you have to start at the bottom. Corporate, social, financial or political- you name a group or sub-group of people and you will find a ladder. Take a look at your private social circle and you’ll see a private social ladder. Someone has power, someone has popularity and if you want to partake in any of it you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. ‘Work’ being the operative word.

Have you noticed the same structure and patterns at your place of employ? Yep. Probably your work ladder is your most annoying because finances are the motivators to crawl your way up to the top rung. There’s probably a swathe of other rung grabbers muscling up your ladder and they are not at all concerned about your safety. In fact every inch you strive upwards probably took more effort than every mile you could ever physically run. With your ankles tied together.

When we spend 'quality time' nurturing our relationships that ugly framework we use to haul ourselves in an upward direction is still prominent and blatantly apparent. Did we remember our anniversary, did we do the dishes, pack the school lunches, compliment when we were supposed to, criticise when we were not? If we didn’t we just dropped a couple of rungs, lost some love points and headed to the bottom of the heap.

It’s all about climbing one way or another and that damned ladder is the means we use to transport ourselves there. 

Good-bye

Don't you hate it when a great Jazz musician dies. Dave Brubeck would have turned 92 on the 6th of December. RIP Mr. Brubeck. As a young child his mother banned him from listening to the radio- she believed music should be played on an instrument. Perhaps this was a contributing factor towards nurturing his talent. He learned to play music by ear because he was cross-eyed and could barely read the notes. Isn't that the fundamentals of Jazz?

We also lose Dame Elizabeth Murdoch today. A beautiful, elegant lady who led a fortunate life and shared it all with so many. Aged 103. Philanthropist, Arts Patron, Devoted mother, she contributed everything to the welfare of others.

Grr

You're in a hurry at the checkout queue pushing a trolley full of groceries. The person in front of you has a credit card malfunction. Ergh. She's embarrassed. The checkout lady's embarrassed and you're embarrassed. You try to be polite and smile a 'I know how you feel' sympathy smile. Instead of quitting her failed checkout attempt and leaving (as you expect her to) she says to the checkout lady,

'I'll just ring my mobile and sort it out.'

'O.K,' whines checkout lady.

'Grr,' You quietly grr.

'The card just got declined,' she berates her (I'm guessing) husband.

Your ice-creams melting and you really need to get going.

'I'm in Safeway and my cards just been declined,' she yells down her mobile. She's angry and you don't want to stir her up further.

You can't wait so you make a beeline to the next available checkout. Yep. That's right. The dad with 5000 items beats you to it.

Don't you hate it when...

Don't you hate it when...

Don't you hate it when you go out for a meal and you can't help but get food all over your face. The serviette holder is empty and you are wearing a sleeveless top. What to do???  To make matters worse you get that embarrassing feeling there is food wedged in-between your front teeth. Every time someone says something amusing you have to stop yourself from smiling.